the world is your acorn

Yesterday Mischief Man showed a couple us The Racial Slur Database, and we talked briefly about the twinkie/banana thing (white on the inside, yellow on the outside). That got me thinking about how, growing up, I wanted so desperately to be the same as everyone else; everything that was different about my family I attributed to being Chinese. Some of the things were clear, like not wearing shoes in the house, eating rice with every meal, the color and texture of my hair, Chinese School on Sunday mornings. Some things were probably indirectly related, like the violin and piano lessons, the academic pressures, never being allowed to sleep in. There were other things though, which I don’t think I can blame on our heritage or my parents’ immigrant status, like mom’s conviction that pretty much anything would cause cancer, including eating ham and hot dogs, or standing in front of the microwave. Or the fact that both of my parents worked full time.

I didn’t fit in with the Chinese School kids either, because they all lived in different towns, their families socialized with each other, and they went to public school where there were tons of other Asian students. So it was strange for me growing up, with no one to sit me down and explain why your family is different. Or that it’s ok. Now that I’m grown I just do my best to participate in both cultures in my own way. There are still little bits of me that yearn wistfully for the basic american things, like mashed potatoes and gravy. At the same time, when the Taiwanese students walk by at school speaking Chinese to each other, I always get a pang of nostalgia or indentification, but it’s not actually a culture I ever belonged to.

I don’t know how I started on that. The point of this post was really just to say that I made macaroni and cheese for the first time last night. Not the kind from Kraft, but with real cheddar and milk and breadcrumbs and stuff. It was ok, but I wasn’t in love with it. I just used the basic Joy of Cooking recipe. Maybe someone will give me some tips for next time.