It has been 2+ days now since Lady E got on a plane to return to Boston, but we are still finding little traces of her visit around the house. Not in that bad guest crumpled-up-balls-of-garbage-under-the-couch kind of way, but things that she did just to leave her mark, probably chuckling all the while. Like adding random items to the grocery list- “darling,” “sugar dumpling,” and “baby cakes” in response to the first item on the list, “honey.” And things that she wanted to give us, like “Juiced,” which I discovered tucked in among the rest of the PS2 games and DVDs, without fanfare or commentary. The most interesting thing that I discovered was a small Pottery Barn box with Lady E’s name writted across it in big black letters (possibly my handwriting circa 2002-2003), which once contained a cute little single-serving martini shaker, part of The Little Red Haired Girl’s first ever present to me.
Rewind to Easter 2002. I was working at a small independent school in Waltham, MA, and good friends with a practicing Catholic coworker. Knowing that I don’t celebrate Christian holidays, but wanting to include me anyway, she presented me with a small plastic carrot which opened up to reveal pastel jelly beans. Don’t get me wrong, I love jelly beans, and I appreciated the gesture. However, because of my maturity and inability to resist teasing friends, I decided to concentrate on the fallic properties of the carrot and the symbolism of jelly beans, eggs, and fertility during the Easter season. I carried this focus all the way home, where I presented the carrot to Lady E. Never one to turn down a good drama (no matter how contrived), she played along and participated in a good old “toss the carrot” fight.
That game soon ended (probably in deference to the “go to the neighborhood bar” game), but The Carrot had just begun. I forget who was the first to do it (my guess would be Lady E, but she can help me out here), but the carrot began turning up in strange places. In my slipper. In Lady E’s underwear drawer. In my jacket pocket. In Lady E’s purse. Under someone’s pillow. Behind a book.
That summer we moved to our hot new bachelors’ pad in Watertown, and The Carrot came along. I’m not even sure who brought The Carrot. This is because The Carrot was never spoken of. When one of us would find it, the other was never given the satisfaction of hearing about the surprise and anger upon discovering it. I think that at some point the original carrot was lost, but a replacement stuffed carrot was found and commandeered at my parents’ house. It didn’t really matter.
As Lady E’s birthday neared, she began dropping hints (i.e. sending out her birthday wish list) about what she might like. One thing she always wanted was for flowers to be delivered to her office. This is how I acquired her office snail mail address, as well as a great idea for The Carrot. Of course, once I dropped The Carrot (in a small Pottery Barn box which once contained a single-serving martini shaker) off at the post office, I knew that I had knocked the bar up a notch. To my dismay, I never saw The Carrot again. It was never mentioned, I never discovered it among my belongings, and I began to suspect that The Carrot had been lost in the mail. One drunken night long after Lady E and I had parted ways I finally had the courage to bring it up again, and had the satisfaction of learning that The Carrot had, indeed, arrived at the office, and Lady E had spent many an email conferring with friends on her revenge. She had never followed through on anything though, and eventually The Carrot was forgotten.
Until now. I can’t tell if Lady E left the box in plain view in the trash on purpose. Nor can I tell if it contained The Carrot when she brought it. Maybe it’s all a rouse to get me paranoid. I toyed with the idea of ransacking the house after I found that box in the trash, but I finally decided that I should just let nature take its course. At the very least when we move in July it will probably turn up. At which point, GAME ON, LADY E!