the world is your acorn

Asian people all over this country face an unnamed yet all-consuming frustration: Our chopsticks fall through the holes at the bottom of the utensil basket in the dishwasher.

Well, I assume that all Asian people have this problem. Maybe if I were more in touch with my people I might know how to handle it. For the past few years of renting apartments with dishwashers, I’ve just handwashed the chopsticks. It was a pain in the ass, and there were always chopsticks scattered around the bottom of the sink like so many pick-up sticks.

Now that we are homeowners, The Little Red Haired Girl and I have taken matters into our own hands. Growing up my parents put a little piece of screen window at the bottom of the basket, secured with twisty ties stripped of their paper wrapping. This was fine, but the screen got rusty. In the past few years I’ve noticed that they have some little piece of plastic mesh, but I never bothered to find out what it is or how they secured it. I figured that, instead of calling them and having to go through the requisite don’t-spend-too-much-money-on-new-housewares and spend-more-time-on-your-studies routine, I could probably just show up at Home Depot, explain what I need, and some knowledgeable sales representative would think of a suitable material.

Apparently a ridiculous assumption.

First we tried to ask the guy behind the paint counter, because he was the only sales representative in sight. He looked at us, then continued to putter around mixing paints while we stood there waiting for him to acknowledge us.

So we then walked over to the tool area where a guy pushing a little cart was lingering. I explained what we needed, and he suggested screen window material. I said I thought it might rust. He said that was true. He thought more about it, and said that screen window material would be great, but it would probably rust. I tried to be agreeable, saying that plastic would probably be a better choice. He then wondered out loud how we’d be able to secure something under the utensil basket, and I told him that I was thinking about using little plastic cable ties. He said that was a “good application.”

He then dragged us all the way across the store, pulling his little cart along, to the dishwasher salespeople. He explained what our problem was, and they said they didn’t have anything for that problem. He then ran away, leaving us with the dishwasher people, a young man and woman who thought that our problem was hilarious. They kept repeating to each other, “we don’t have anything that keeps chopsticks from falling through.” I explained what I was looking for again, talking them through the screen/rusting part of the thought process that seems to be a requirement for anyone encountering this problem. Then the young man called the millwork department to see if they had any plastic meshy material for us. He could barely contain his laughter while he explained. They had this gutter screen for $2. It’s not ideal, but we couldn’t be in there for another second. I cut it up and tied it to the basket as planned, and its little diamonds in combination with the existing little squares do the trick, although we have to make sure the chopsticks go in fat side down.

There must be a better way.