first year poster session
Just before I came here my program at school revamped its doctoral structure, so there have been a lot of new things being implemented around me. One of those new things is first year poster sessions. At the beginning of our second year we have to present a poster on research that we did in our first year. Today is the day of the poster sessions.
My poster is done (thanks to the help of The Little Red Haired Girl who stayed up late with me cutting things out), I’m as prepared as I can be in the near future to explain what I did, and I’m praying for “generous” questions from whoever does any questioning. I’ve been pretty immersed in this thing for the past few weeks in preparation, and my advisor has given a lot of hours to help me with it. He’s been really encouraging, and even though he’s out of town for another meeting he emailed me last night to wish me luck and say some kind things about my work.
My fear is that he has too much confidence in me. Or that I’ve somehow tricked him into thinking I’m far more competent than I really am. I guess many students have this fear, and being in the education game I should accept that taking these kinds of risks and making mistakes are good ways to learn. If I were already spectacular at this sort of thing I wouldn’t be in school. Yet still I feel this rising dread of impending doom. Like walking into a straight club in New York City. I don’t belong, I’m not sure I want to belong, and people will surely be able to glance at me and know I don’t belong. And I have no idea what to wear. In reality though, I will probably have fun and no one will even notice I’m there except for my friends.